Don't Rot the Man's Bones!

by: Lara Velez

A virtuous and worthy wife is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. - Proverbs 12:4

First, let us look deeper into some of the key words in this powerful Scripture.

Virtuous - Chayil (khah' - yil) and means; a force, an army, strength, able, substance, worthy.
Crown - atar (aw-tar') and means; encircle, crown, compass

Ashamed - buwsh (boosh) and means; to make disappointed, put to shame, confound, become dry, to contradict or refute, to bring ruin.

I think many times, as wives, we do not really take the time to truly understand the role we play in the lives of our husbands. God did not put the man at the head because He thought less of the woman. He loves us the same. However, He needed to create an atmosphere of order in the home. So, He Chose the man to lead and the woman to submit and follow.

However, with the role we have as wives, there is an incredible responsibility that in most cases is missed. It is often missed because as women we can not get past the word "submit," and the annoyance that word brings!

Look at this Scripture though.

Hmmm...

We are a force in our husband's life. Let me share the Scripture with you now that we have clarity on some of the words used in it...

A strong, able, and worthy woman is a crowning compass of joy to her husband, but she who makes him shamed, disappointed, and contradicts him is a rottenness to his bones.

WOW! We are a HUGE influence in our husband's life. And, when we do not step into our roles as wives properly, we are a hindrance to our husbands. We are a bad influence. When we argue, fight, refuse to submit, boss, verbally bash privately or publicly, disrespect, and treat our husband in any way that is out of alignment with God's Word, we are hurting them. We are ROTTING THEIR BONES!

Hey, I did not write the Word. God inspired men what to write. God made sure that we all know everything we need to live happy, peaceful, and joy-filled lives. His Word does not adapt itself with the times. His Word does not change to fit our needs or the culture. It just IS. We all have choices...we can obey and be blessed or we can disobey and bring ruin to ourselves and our husbands.

Benefits of obedience:

- blessings
- allows God to WORK in our husband's life and heart
- helps our husband BE what God created him to be
- trains our children to be God obeyers NOT the cultures lackey

What does the fruit of Disobedience Bring?

- a ruined husband with rotten bones
- divorce
- hindrance or our husbands spiritual walk
- trains our children to life selfish worldy lives

To put it bluntly, we need to stop waiting for our husband's to fulfill OUR needs and OBEY what God wants US to do as wives. NOT based on the performance of our husbands. We need to DO what God says to do BECAUSE God SAID it and HE knows best!

When we let go of what we want and do what God wants, then and ONLY then will we truly have all that God wants us to have. Then and ONLY then will God actually have the room and ability to WORK in our husbands hearts and help our marriages.

We cannot go on expecting God to change them and we are not even willing to do what God has said to do!

Let's Pray;

Daddy God, please forgive me for being a selfish wife. Please forgive me for unrealistic expectations, and expecting my husband to fulfill my needs. Help me to turn to You and allow You to be my source for everything. Please forgive me for being stubborn and expecting my husband to change before I will. Help me to love him. Help me to obey You and what You want regardless of my husband's behavior. Help me to NOT be a rottenness to his bones. Help me to be a crowning joy to him that helps him to be all that You created him to be. Help me to love him unselfishly. Show me how I can honor, encourage, and delight my husband. Thank You for Your Word, Lord. Thank You for not changing with the times. Thank You for being the same yesterday, today, and forever. Help me to be consistent in all I do. Praise You Lord. You are worthy of my obedience, love, and worship. Thank You for loving me. In Jesus Mighty Life Giving Name. Amen!

Your Homework:

Study the following Scriptures:

• Proverbs 14:1
• Proverbs 15:1-4
• Proverbs 16:7
• Luke 6:41-42
• 1 Corinthians 13
• 1 John 4:7-21

Memorize: Be gentle and forbearing with one another, and if one has a grievance against another, readily pardon each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so must you also forgive. - Colossians 3:13

Application:

If you really want a happy, healthy, GOD pleasing marriage, then you must begin to look inward and not at your husband. Take an inventory of your thought life, how you think and speak about your husband, repent, and begin to seek God about how YOU should change.

Copyright © Lara Velez

In His Love and Service,
Lara ;)

Note: All Scripture is taken from the Amplified Bible, unless otherwise stated. Also, the Webster's dictionary, Random House Thesaurus, Strong's Concordance, and/or The Complete New Testament Word Study may have been used.

Prayer is the KEY Conflict Resolution

The Lord has been dealing with my husband and me about taking ALL things to prayer. Especially conflicts. Yes, God wants us to LAY IT ALL OUT BEFORE HIM! He does not want a superficial relationship with us. He does not want to hear from use only when we want to ask Him for something or complain. He wants to be INCLUDED in ALL aspects of our lives. He wants our marriages to be given to Him, and our issues laid at His feet.

Recently, Rob and I decided it was time to stop playing around and really learn how to resolve our conflicts. It wasn't until we went to our study group and confessed what I will tell you in a minute that we found out PRAYER is the KEY to Conflict Resolution. I want you to write that down and commit it to memory! Seriously.

The Eye Opener:

A couple weeks ago we were leaving church and our oldest daughter looked gloomy. So, I asked her what was wrong. She proceeded to tell me how another girl and her friends were messing with her hair and bothering her during the service, even after she asked them to stop. (She sits with the other teenager in the church on some Sundays)

My husband got very angry. He yelled. He told her that she should not take that, and that she should stand up for herself...even if it meant getting physical. I am CERTAIN that your husbands will be able to relate to his reaction. However, I DID NOT! I am also CERTAIN that any Mother reading this would not agree with my husband's solution. LOL!

Well, me being who I am, told him to stop telling her that. I also told them both that is NOT how God wants us to handle things. Rob did not agree. He was really angry...I mean this is his baby girl. He does not want her to be picked on. I understood that.

Unfortunately, my anger at his wrong advice won. We were now arguing very heatedly with each other. In front of the children. Suddenly, I clearly heard the Lord say; "PRAY NOW!" So, I stopped and asked my husband if we could just pray. He agreed. We bowed our heads and my husband began to pray. He humbled himself before the Lord. He apologized to the Lord for his reaction. He asked God to forgive him and to help us find a better solution. I then prayed and so did our teenage daughter. The best part was when we finished praying and our little toddler wanted a turn to pray! :)

After we prayed, the fight ended. We no longer argued. We got ready for our group and left. We were still not "OK" with each other. We still had some not so nice feelings towards each other. Plus, we felt stupid going to group after fighting.

OK, so, we get to group and follow along with the study. Then during one of the discussions, I asked Rob's permission to talk about what happened earlier that day. He said yes. (I think it is very important to ASK your husband before you talk about something he did.) I told the group the whole unedited version of the story. ALL the men totally understood Rob's feelings...although they did NOT think it should actually happen that way! LOL! But they DID "get him." I told them how I felt like such a failure arguing like that in front of our children...after church no less!

Light Bulb Moment:

They all told us that was a lie from the enemy. What REALLY happened is that we taught our children

1. To pray when things get hard
2. Prayer calmed the situation
3. To confess our sins to the Lord
4. Rob took on his role as leader by beginning the prayer
5. Prayer is the KEY to Conflict Resolution

I am still not proud of the way we acted. I mean yelling at each other is not the way to handle conflict. However, I KNOW that God loves me and He is here for me...even when it takes a falling down to look up!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

I also want to mention; we have encountered at least three more problems over the past couple weeks that required us to STOP and PRAY! Two of them in front of our children.

Let's Pray;

Daddy God, thank You for the husband You blessed me with. Thank You that when conflicts arise we can come to You. Lord, help me to turn to You when troubles come. Help me to learn to lean on You in my times of struggle. Help me to learn to STOP and Pray. I ask that You teach my husband and me to incorporate prayer into our conflicts so that we can include You in the struggles within our marriage. I love You, Lord. Thank You for Loving me. In Jesus Mighty and Loving Name, Amen!

Your Homework:

Study the following verses:

• 2 Chronicles 7:14
• Jeremiah 33:3
• Psalm 55:22
• Psalm 66:20
• Mark 11:24
• Galatians 6:2
• Colossians 3:13
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Memorize:

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. - 1 Peter 5:7

Application:

I encourage you to make a REAL effort to STOP and Pray when conflicts arise...even if you have an UNwilling husband. God will honor YOUR prayer!

Prayer is the KEY to Conflict Resolution!

In His Love and Service,

Lara ;)

Copyright © Lara Velez

Note: All Scripture is taken from the Amplified Bible, unless otherwise stated. Also, the Webster's dictionary, Random House Thesaurus, Strong's Concordance, and/or The Complete New Testament Word Study may have been used.